Thursday, August 8, 2013

Off. The. HOOK!!

With many thanks to Todd Weiss for his "OFF THE..." resources and ideas! 

Me:  SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I’m so excited!!!! I can’t believe you’re actually giving me permission to be FREE!!! Off the hook!!! Running rampant like a lone Wildebeest in the Arizona countryside!!!

Mom:  Wha..? HOW did you get that out of, “Roo, I’ve enrolled you in an off-lead class for a happier, more controlled hiking experience??”

Me:  It’s gonna be WILD!!

Mom:  It’s a class… a HIGHLY CONTROLLED class.

Me:  I've got so much to do! Outfits to choose, bling to display, my chaise lounge, my pillows…!

Mom:  Whoa there, Nellie. We will be taking a plain collar, a long lead and some tasty, smelly treats. I’d say we’re bringing water, but the last time I took you to a class you refused to drink anything and insisted instead on STANDING in the water bowl looking smug.

Me:  *humming* OK, here’s my flowered collar, my Swarovski leash, my sunglasses…

Mom:  ROO!!
Me:  Mom, this will be OFF THE HOOK!!!

Mom:  It’s a controlled class…


Mom:  …with an instructor and everything…


Mom:  …organized… well organized…


Mom:  …with a test.

Me:  OFF THE… Whoa…. WHA..?! A TEST?? Seriously??? How can I be a simple free spirit cavorting about the wilderness [in my designer outfit with my cushion and food and attendant *cough* Mom *cough*] with a friggin’ test hanging over my head??

Mom:  The purpose of this class is to make sure you mind me when we go hiking.

Me:  Are you OFF YOUR MEDS?!?!

Mom:  You, young lady, are getting way OFF TRACK!

Me:  PPPFFFTTT!!! I’m going OFF THE GRID to prepare for my debut.

Mom:  Crap… Is that your subtle way of telling me to buckle up and get ready for a bumpy ride… er… class?

Me:  *whistling softly* I shall be the Perfect Little Roo.  *smirk*
Hmmm… now which of these hats shows off my fur better? And my backpack… where’s my sparkly backpack?

Mom:  *shivers* 

Me:  Yep. This class is gonna be Off. The. Hook.
Me in my simple hiking garb exhibiting a
'happier, more controlled hiking experience.'
                     Photo © Nick Hunseder