Roo, et al: Off. The. HOOK!!

With many thanks to Todd Weiss for his "OFF THE..." resources and ideas!

Me: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I’m so excited!!!! I can’t believe you’re actually giving me permission to be FREE!!! Off the hook!!! Running rampant like a lone Wildebeest in the Arizona countryside!!!

Mom: Wha..? HOW did you get that out of, “Roo, I’ve enrolled you in an off-lead class for a happier, more controlled hiking experience??”

Me: It’s gonna be WILD!!

Mom: It’s a class… a HIGHLY CONTROLLED class.

Me: I've got so much to do! Outfits to choose, bling to display, my chaise lounge, my pillows…!

Mom: Whoa there, Nellie. We will be taking a plain collar, a long lead and some tasty, smelly treats. I’d say we’re bringing water, but the last time I took you to a class you refused to drink anything and insisted instead on STANDING in the water bowl looking smug.

Me: *humming* OK, here’s my flowered collar, my Swarovski leash, my sunglasses…

Mom: ROO!!

Me: Mom, this will be OFF THE HOOK!!!

Mom: It’s a controlled class…

Me: OFF THE WALL!!!

Mom: …with an instructor and everything…

Me: OFF THE CHARTS!!!

Mom: …organized… well organized…

Me: OFF THE RAILS!!!

Mom: …with a test.

Me: OFF THE… Whoa…. WHA..?! A TEST?? Seriously??? How can I be a simple free spirit cavorting about the wilderness [in my designer outfit with my cushion and food and attendant *cough* Mom *cough*] with a friggin’ test hanging over my head??

Mom: The purpose of this class is to make sure you mind me when we go hiking.

Me: Are you OFF YOUR MEDS?!?!

Mom: You, young lady, are getting way OFF TRACK!

Me: PPPFFFTTT!!! I’m going OFF THE GRID to prepare for my debut.

Mom: Crap… Is that your subtle way of telling me to buckle up and get ready for a bumpy ride… er… class?

Me: *whistling softly* I shall be the Perfect Little Roo. *smirk*
Hmmm… now which of these hats shows off my fur better? And my backpack… where’s my sparkly backpack?

Mom: *shivers*

Me: Yep. This class is gonna be Off. The. Hook.