BIRD RADIATION, PEOPLE!!!

Mom:  What a great morning! And just LOOK at all of you... being so peaceful and qui...

Me:  BIRD!!!! BIRD!!!! OMD, it's a BIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!!

Mom:  Why did I even say anything...

Me:  Because deep down, you KNEW of the danger! It's a BIRD in the YARD!!! We're all DOOMED unless I can GET IT!!!!!!

Mom:  Oh for god's sake, Roo... It's a teeny, tiny Hummingbird. Just look how cute it is!

Me:  Do not be deceived by it's cuteness!! Hummingbirds... all birds... are shifty and not to be trusted! They can dive bomb you and make poop fall from TREES!

Mom:  Your enthusiasm is noted. Thank you for sharing this Public Service Announcement... at the top of your lungs.

Me:  How can you humans be so gullible?! Just LOOK at it! There is more to that bird than meets the eye. I'll bet it's NUCLEAR!!! OMDOMDOMD!!!!!! We're all DOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!

Mom:  ??

Me:  Don't you SEE?!?! It could go all ATOMIC on us at ANY TIME!!!!!!! LET ME OUT THERE!!!!!!

Mom:  Roo, don't you remember? You caught that young hawk last year? (And nice form, by the way, catching it in mid-air... gotta give you that one...  *fist/paw bump*)

Me:  *paw/fist bump back*  YES!!! I was a mighty HUNTRESS!!!

Mom:  Well, remember how gentle you were with it? You put it in my hand when I asked you, we put it up in the tree, gave it some sugar water and it recovered and flew off?? It never hurt anyone and it was a GOOD thing you did, being gentle and not hurting it.

Me:  *Shakes head*  Oh, Mom, Mom, Mom... you don't have a clue... I was being careful so it would not EXPLODE AND WREAK HAVOC AND SPREAD IT'S BIRD RADIATION AROUND THE WORLD!!!!! I SAVED YOUR LIFE, WOMAN... and you re-payed me by consorting with The Enemy!!!

Mom:  Why do I even try...?? sigh...

Me:  Apology accepted. Now let's get CRACKIN'! LET ME OUT THERE!!!

Mom:  Your case has been duly noted and recorded. Jury has adjourned to the to the conference room for consideration. They are conferring and comparing notes... comparing reality... to friggin' dream world. Oh, look! Jury is back in record time! Verdict??  N. O.      NO!!

Me:  Why must you mock me on matters of national security?

Mom:  Because it's fun?

Me:  You will be the first to die when the Zombie Apocalypse comes...